A Ninja Living in the Mr. Robot World

You all know the television show Mr. Robot. If you don't know it, don't worry... it will all make sense soon. Anyway, after the Yahoo data breach we think it's important to talk about digital security and our place in the world of business and communication. I mean, Rami Malek won an Emmy for his performance in Mr. Robot so of course we should listen to his character Elliot - the world depends on it. Business - I mean life - depends on it.

"[We are] spamming each other with our running commentary of bullshit, masquerading as insight, our social media faking as intimacy."

Really. How many more rants do we need to see on social media about politics, whiny boyfriends, your cubicle-mate's smelly lunch, or your client's ridiculous requests? Maybe it's time to unplug. Social media is eroding our society and sucking the soul out of us all. So - delete it all. No more Facebook timeline, no more insta filters, and no more Snapchat faces. Purge and focus on the important things IRL.

"There's a powerful group of people out there that are secretly running the world. I'm talking about the guys no one knows about, the ones that are invisible."

Sounds like all those years of hard work and no recognition doesn't matter! You actually rule the world and you can feel good about that. So keep typing, clicking and creating away. One day someone might bring you a crown [read: cookie]. 

"We're all living in each other's paranoia."

Now's the time to change all your passwords. Actually, we think you should change them at least 3 times a day. Go ahead, set the alarms on your phone as a reminder and then in a week, change the alarm times. They're watching. 

"No rest for the wicked."

That overtime? Working through lunch? Do you think Jett took a break? DB definitely didn't (we're honestly not sure what he does). So don't move further than a finger's click away from your computer. And if you're lucky someone might feel bad for you and bring you that last donut from the break room. Or not.

"I wanted to save the world."

Of course your work is making a difference. You're saving lives, making the world a better place. Every day we're closer to peace on Earth and solving world hunger and curing all the diseases. That's you. Pat yourself on the bat. Hero? You're a Ninja Hero.

Ninjas of the Week

It's that time again! No, not Naked Friday. It's time for the Ninja of the Week! Actually, it can be both things. Knock yourselves out.

5. Yip Pin Xiu

Singapore paralympic swimmer Yip Pin Xiu has won 2 gold medals at the 2016 Paralympics - one for the 100m Backstroke, and one for 50m Backstroke. She's the first local athlete in Singapore to win multiple medals. She's a rockstar, and definitely deserves a NOTW callout!

4. Corey Feldman

via GIPHY
Maybe Corey Feldman is a ninja. You know, ninjas are often considered weird, and do things that - out of context - might seem odd. That's about the only explanation we've got for Feldman's appearance on the Today Show with his new band this week. His dancing was a cross between Michael Jackson and Criss Angel. If, you know, both of them were drunk. At least it was... entertaining?

3. Russian Kitten

We dare you to watch this video and not cringe. This poor kitten was stuck on a Russian highway for THREE AND A HALF MINUTES in traffic, dodging cars like a... well, like a ninja. Finally, the kitten gets saved by a good samaritan who pulls over and rescues it from certain death.

2. Ants

Don't get us wrong - we hate ants. Like, HATE them. But you have to give them props for the way they work together and get stuff done. I wish our office was that efficient! Check out the article for not only facts about ants, but how to eliminate them from your office. The first step is not leaving any Red Vines behind at the end of the day...

1. Gideon Hodge

Man runs into burning home in Broadmoor for laptop with 2 completed novels @theadvocateno https://t.co/CQaRYrzwot pic.twitter.com/khIqc8Cr6F

— Matthew Hinton (@MattHintonPhoto) September 15, 2016

There's pretty much nothing in the Office Ninja office that we'd run back in to get if there was a fire - including our boss Daryl. But Gideon Hodge had not one but TWO completed novels on his computer, and no backup! So he fearlessly (stupidly?) ran back into his burning house to retrieve his laptop. If you learn nothing else from this post, back your stuff up in the cloud. We're sure our boss does that... with all his porn. Hence: DB.

Watch Office Ninja on Amazon or else you'll never get our inside jokes.

Ninja Sports

We here at Office Ninja Central love basketball. We can't get enough of it. Except Steve. He's not into sports. We're firing him soon. Anyway, we thought we'd give you our 5 favorite basketball players, ninja style - the player's last names spell out NINJA!

Nowitzki, Dirk

Dirk is a German player who has helped lead the Dallas Mavericks to 15 NBA Playoffs. He's also the first European player to play in the All-Star game. His mother was also a professional basketball player, and he just re-signed with the Mavericks for 50 million dollars! That's almost twice as much as we get paid...

Iverson, Allen

Allen Iverson is retired now, but he spent 15 years playing, most of those with the Philadelphia 76ers. His score-per-game average is 2nd only to Michael Jordan in playoff games. Obviously, he's in the Hall of Fame. Steve in our office is good at scoring too, but that's actually what's getting him fired...

Nash, Steve

Steve Nash, a Canadian basketball player, was an 8 time All-Star in his 19 year NBA career. He's considered one of the best shooters in the NBA, and on top of that, he's one of the most philanthropic people in the sport - Time magazine named him in the Top 100 Most Influential People in the World in 2006.

Jordan, Michael

Do we really need to introduce Jordan? He's the greatest basketball player of all time. All. Time. Heck, the word "Nike" is synonymous with "Jordan." He's won the MVP Award 5 times, he has the highest regular season scoring average. He's second only to Babe Ruth as the "Best Athlete of the Century." He spent all his years with the Chicago Bulls - he even retired and then came back for 3 years! Would YOU come back to your job post-retirement? 

Abdul-Jabbar, Kareem

Kareem spent most of his years with the Los Angeles Lakers, and played 20 seasons total in the NBA. He's one of the 50 Greatest Basketball Players of All Time, and at the time of his retirement, he led the NBA in points scored, games played, minutes played, field goal attempts, shots blocked... there's more, but you get the picture. Here in OUR office, we're first in staples removed, copies collated, beers chugged... uh, forget about that last one.

Ninjas of the Week

We know, it's Friday. The last place you want to be is behind your desk, your smelly boss breathing over your neck about that report you have no interest in finishing before you leave. We totally get it, because OUR smelly boss is standing over OUR shoulder, making us work every second up until 5pm. So let's talk about some people who don't have to work crappy jobs with smelly bosses.

5. ROMEO THE DOG

Romeo was stuck in the rubble, a victim of the Italy earthquake. But did he give up? Heck no! A ninja has to stay calm in tense situations, and save energy for when it's needed. Romeo barked for 9 days until officials found and freed him, and he was back with his owners with nary a scratch. What we want to know is what he ate while he was stuck in there for over a week. On second thought, we DON'T want to know...

4. TOM HOLLAND

Actor Tom Holland, also know as the new Spider-Man, is secretly a ninja in disguise. Tom, guided by his trainer, completed a sweet ass flip and spin while training to be what we think will be the best web-slinger ever. And he makes it look easy! I mean, we could totally do that move. If, you know, we ever put the box of donuts down.

3. VICTOR ORTIZ

Police officer Victor Ortiz risked his own life to save someone else's. Officer Ortiz pulled a man off of the New Jersey Transit train tracks RIGHT BEFORE the train came barreling through. Not only did he save the other man's life, he put his own in danger - he could have easily been pulled under the train himself! Officer Ortiz is a true hero, and ninja AF.

2. LINDA BURNEY

Linda Buney became to first indigenous woman to join the Australian House of Representatives this week. She was sworn in Wednesday. "If I can stand in this place, so can [other Aboriginal Islanders] — never let anyone tell you, you are limited by anything." A ninja not only stands up for what's right, they don't let anything keep them from their goals. We can't think of a better example than Linda.

1. JESSIE GRAFF

It's not enough that stuntwoman Jessie Graff is the stunt double for freaking Supergirl herself, Melissa Benoist, she's now the first female contestant to complete the Stage 1 obstacle course of the finals of American Ninja Warrior! I'm not sure that words can do her amazing performance justice, you just have to watch the video. She might be the baddest ass ninja we've ever had the privilege of covering on our site. Congratulations, Jessie!!

That's it for this week. Hopefully we killed enough time that your boss went to the bathroom and you can sneak out. Have a great holiday weekend, see you next week!!

Office Olympics for the Win!

We here at Office Ninja Central have been paying close attention to the 2016 Rio Olympics this week – we actually haven’t gotten anything else done, and we’re a bit worried the boss is going to be angry. Just a few minutes ago, he walked in and gave us this face.

So we figured we should get to work… BY HOLDING OUR OWN OFFICE OLYMPICS! We’ve got five events to compete in and may the best office athlete win! Because we like you, and we don’t want to be the only office slacking off, we thought we’d share the events with you, in case you want to compete with your coworkers! Oh and Office Ninja takes no responsibility for the shenanigans we're about to explain. Compete at your own risk. Bonus points if the winner is named Simone.

Target Shooting

Take your best stapler, load that baby up, and pin up a picture of the boss across the office. Then, open up the stapler and aim for her/his face—uh, I mean tie. Aim for the tie. Closest to the target wins!

Chair Races

Take two chairs with wheels out to a tiled hallway, preferably wide enough for the chairs to race side-by-side. Otherwise, race them one at a time and best time wins. Bonus points if the boss comes around the corner and you take him/her out.

Coffee Mug Relay

This works best if the coffeemaker is on a different floor. Athletes start the farthest point away from the coffee, and race towards the coffeemaker. Your teammate, once you arrive, has to make the coffee from scratch – no using yesterday’s old sludge, save that for the boss – and then passes a full mug of coffee to a third teammate, who has to get it back to the start without spilling more than 10% of the coffee. I suggest picking someone wearing a nice crisp white dress shirt for the final leg.

Pommel Desk

This works best using the desk of the coworker you like least. Throw all their stuff on the ground, and attempt your best pommel horse routine using their computer as the pommel. Extra points are awarded if the employee whose desk you’re using reports you to HR and you finish your routine before they show up. Don't forget to stick your landing and smile!

Competitive Eating

Two athletes have to eat the oldest items in the company refrigerator, racing for fastest time possible. Vomiting is automatic disqualification, but you get a bonus point if the item is so completely covered in mold you can’t tell what it is. Blue cheese doesn't count.

Good luck, may the force be with you, and go for the gold!

What's Happening August 23rd?

What's happening August 23rd? Well a lot of things are happening. I'll let you be the judge as to what is the BIGGEST thing to happen on that day. 

Buttered Corn Day!

I know what you're thinking: another "national" day of ridiculousness. I'm with you. However, we're actually okay with this because a version of buttered corn is popcorn and we're a movie and there's no better way to spend movie time than with a bowl of buttery popcorn goodness.

Hug Your Sweetheart Day!

We can be down with this celebration, too. Cuddling with your loved-one over a movie and popcorn? This day is sounding better and better!

National Spongecake Day!

Hmm, more food. Spongecake. Who makes this stuff up?!

Ride the Wind Day!

Ninjas definitely ride the wind. How else do you think they sneak in and get their job done without invisible gusto? We can totally rock Ride the Wind Day.

Office Ninja on iTunes Day! 

Okay, fine. It's not a national day but it is a big deal day to us. Office Ninja will available on iTunes on August 23rd and that's a reason to celebrate! So grab your buttered popcorn, your sweetheart, some spongecake (I guess) and ride like the wind onto your couch to watch Tomas "handle" his co-workers with the ways of the Ninja. Mark your calendars now. Do it before your hands are a buttery mess.

Comic-Con Ninjas

In honor of San Diego Comic-Con this weekend, we searched for some of the best ninjas on Instagram for you. These are some hardcore cosplayers... or are they? We suspect a few of them might be actual ninjas...

1. 

How do I as a Ninja? #ninja #ninjacosplay #cosplay

A photo posted by 🐿The Squirrel Vigilante🐿 (@stunxx) on Mar 18, 2016 at 7:48pm PDT

This guy's ninja game is strong. Look at those eyes - I know we don't want to run into this guy on a dark street in this getup!

2. 

Can we just stop for a moment and appreciate @adam_from_giant s photography skills??

A photo posted by Quincy (@titansreaperking) on Feb 15, 2016 at 5:10pm PST

This ninja is silent but very deadly. Great use of color, and the pose and location are awesome. We suspect this ninja wouldn't make a sound sneaking up behind you...

3. 

Stay ready 🗡🗡 w/ @rizzydoesit 🗡 📸: @optical.shinobi 🗡 Stay #ninja, my #ninjas 🗡 #shinobi #shinobisyndicate #cosplayer #shinobisean #ninjastyle #shinobisean #ninjacosplay #ninjalife #menofcosplay #conlife #allblackeverything #shadow #shinobisound #ninjafashion #postapocalyptic #ninjashit #sai #swords #nodachi #swordsman #cosplayofcolor #starsofcosplayman

A photo posted by 🕸 Kumo Onigumo 🕸 (@shinobisean) on Jul 16, 2016 at 11:39pm PDT

These are modern day ninjas, complete with some outstanding masks! This location is great too - it looks an awful lot like the 6th Street Bridge in the downtown Los Angeles Arts District. It's the perfect backdrop for these 21st century ninjas.

4. 

Nice to seeing you two.. back to back.. (first time I've went AX back to back) Ahri @bingxuewu and @beikacity white hair ninja girl #animeexpo #AX2O15 #animeexpo2015 #ninjacosplay #cosplay #candid #ax15 #latergram #ahri #candidphotography #character #ignikon #ig #igdaliy #losangeles

A photo posted by Park (@dash8k) on Jul 8, 2015 at 6:21pm PDT

This white-haired ninja from last year's Anime Con looks like she could hypnotize you and then BAM - you're taken out. Love the pattern on the scarf, and the use of red in her costume. And the bracelets are a nice touch!

5. 

Awesome shot of my Urban #Shinobi cosplay @ #ninjacon . 📸: @kuf_spawn . #ninja #cosplayer #swordsman #shinobishogun #shinobi #ninjacon2016 #ninjaconla #ninjas #swordsmanship #conlife #shinobisound #ninjashit

A photo posted by 🕸 Kumo Onigumo 🕸 (@shinobisean) on Jun 6, 2016 at 4:39am PDT

And finally, this urban ninja looks ready for battle - what a great sword and face mask. Also, we love the red mohawk. We suspect it'd be the last thing we'd see before the sword came down...

Tag us on Instagram with your favorite ninja cosplay pics @OfficeNinjaFilm and have fun at SDCC!

Olympic Ninjas

Who else is going to Rio to go for US gold? A few veterans and a few newbies but all are Olympic Ninjas in our comic book.

Michael Phelps - Men's Swimming - USA

Will this water ninja take an even bigger lead in the history books with his already insane standing as most medals by an Olympic athlete ever? Medals? 22. Gold? 18. No biggie. Catch Phelps swimming by us all as he competes in his fifth Olympics. And like the ninja he is, he isn't revealing which events he's swimming just yet.

Claressa Shields - Women's Boxing - USA

She's only lost once. Her record is a whopping 69-1. She's the only returning US boxer (male or female) in a team of Olympic newbies. Well, they have quite a role model to follow. Go T-Rex!

Ibtihaj Muhammad - Women's Saber / Fencing - USA

As the first US athlete to wear a hijab in an Olympic competition, Ibtahaj, is not only going to wow us with her saber skills but she'll make quite a statement by just being herself. She hopes to inspire not only Muslims but people of all races, genders and religions that they can reach their goals too through perseverance.

Kayla Harrison - Women's Judo - USA

Kayla was the first US athlete (male or female) to ever win Olympic Gold in Judo and she's coming back for more. Word on the street is the one to beat Rio is her rival Brazilian Mayra Aguiar. We won't miss this throw down. And of course, since this is a modern martial art we are even more excited to cheer on our Judoka!

Marti Malloy - Judo - USA

Also on the Judo front is Marti Malloy. Side note: she's the only US woman to beat Ronda Roussey in Judo. So not only is she an Olympic medalist returning to the ring but she's got quite a reputation. She was also the first female Judo Captain in college on a team of mostly males. She's breaking barriers and taking names.


Rio is going to be off the hook! Don't miss your chance to root for our ninjas.

Ninjas of the Week

Hey, guys! It's time to highlight some of the best ninjas out in the world this week - people who exemplify the qualities of being a ninja. Let's get started!

5. SYLVESTER STALLONE

Rocky Balboa himself is bringing a ninja-style show to Netflix - Ultimate Beastmaster. The Ninja Warrior-esque show will pit 108 competitors from the U.S., Brazil, South Korea, Mexico, Germany and Japan (18 from each country) against one another. We think this might be the best ninja training ground in 2016!


4. BAPURAO TAJNE

After they were discriminated against and not allowed to draw water from the local well, Bapurao Tajne in Kalambeshwar village, India, decided to take matters into his own hands - literally. Choosing a spot instinctively, he spent 6 hours a day digging his own well, and struck water! The well now provides enough water for the entire village. Way to go, Bapurao!


3. ROBERT AITKEN

Meanwhile, in Edinburgh, Scotland, 24-year-old Robert Aitken, a fast food worker, decided to take the homeless problem head on. Last week, he bought 60 burgers out of his own paycheck and passed them out to the homeless on the streets of Edinburgh. He's also trying to raise money through JustGiving https://crowdfunding.justgiving.com/Robert-aitken, and he plans on continuing buying and passing out food.


2. AYESHA AZIZ

We don't know about you guys, but when us here at Office Ninja Central were 20 years old, we were thinking about beer bongs and frat parties. But in Mumbai, 20-year-old Ayesha Aziz is about to become one of the youngest pilots in India. She started flying when she was 16, and she's completed 120 of the 200 hours of flying needed to get her pilot's license. That's what sets a ninja apart from the rest of us - laser focus, determination, and wings!


1. CARTER MASON

Our Ninja of the Week this week was a close friend to us here at Office Ninja. Carter Mason was an actor, businessman, and helped usher in the age of web and digital series as both a content creator and distributor with his platform JSTV. Carter beat colon cancer last year, but lost the battle this week when the cancer came back. We'll always remember Carter's positive attitude, infectious laughter, and he was always there with a hug when you needed one. We salute you, Carter Mason. If you'd like to learn more about cancer research and donate, check out this link.

See you guys next week! Until then - keep your robe tight, your nunchucks loose, and your pants on. Please. We're looking at you, Jett.

Best Gifts for Your Boss

Let's get real - no one really likes their boss. I mean, we tolerate them. Barely. But even bosses have feelings - not ours, but we're sure yours does - and you should celebrate their existence with a gift. It could be worse - your boss could leave and you could get a WORSE boss.

Again, not us - our boss is so very horrible.

We wanted to give you a few gift ideas for your boss, something that shows her/him how much you care!

1. DEODORANT

What's the best way to tell your boss they stink, while at the same time offering a solution? Deodorant! It doesn't matter what kind, just something to help the stench they leave when they walk by your cubicle. As an alternative, you can always hang a car air freshener around their neck.

2. AN URBAN DICTIONARY

Does your boss give you a weird look when you tell them their new clothes "slay"? Or do you get question marks back when you message your boss "FYI" or "ICYMI"? Get them an Urban Dictionary and never have that problem again! Just be aware that they're now going to know what you're saying when you message them "GFY"...

3. [A] CLUE

We're sure your boss is an idiot. So when you buy them a copy of this game, they'll probably think "Wow, my employee really likes me - she/he bought me this awesome game!" In reality, you and the rest of your coworkers will be snickering and get the joke.

4. BREATH MINTS

If your boss' breath is anything like ours, it smells like an elephant died 3 weeks ago in the hot sun after ingesting 20 pounds of fermented garlic. Slide a box (or a case) of these across the desk to them. We guarantee it'll help keep your own lunch down every afternoon.

5. PLANE TICKETS

Send your boss on a trip - out of the country! We suggest a cruise in Somalia, or a sightseeing tour of cannibal tribes in the Amazon. Also, just buy a one way ticket and photocopy it so it looks like two. Not only will that save money, once your boss is gone and you cancel all her/his credit cards, chances are they won't be coming back for a long, long time.

Ninjas of the Week

You know the drill. Ninja of the Week time!

5. TURIA PITT

Turia Pitt, a model and marathon runner, was caught in a fast moving brushfire during a race in 2011, and burned so badly doctors told her she'd never run again. Not only did she prove them wrong, she completed an Ironman competition this week! Next up, she's training for the 59 mile Kokoda Trek in Australia!

4. MATTRESS GUY

In Thailand, a poorly secured mattress flew off a truck on the highway and into an oncoming motorcyclist! Although the mattress hit the motorcycle rider and knocked him off his bike, it also supported his fall to the ground, leaving him unharmed! We think it's less the mattress and more the rider's ninja-like ability to fall in the right spot.

3. ELON MUSK

Billionare Elon Musk has been trying to increase production at his Tesla plant. In order to keep the factory on track, he's been sleeping at his desk - which is at the end of the production line! Ninjas have the ability to go on little to no sleep, and we're willing to bet than Elon sleeps at work in a shinobi shozoko... if anyone has a photo of him sleeping, we want to see!

2. ANAYA ELLICK

7 year old Anaya Ellick was born without hands, but despite that she won the Nicholas Maxim Special Award for Excellence in Manuscript Penmanship! One thing about ninjas is their ability to adapt in harsh situations, and we're proud of Anaya for not only overcoming her disability, but excelling higher than those without one!

And the #1 pick of the week is
SPOILER ALERT IF YOU WATCH GAME OF THRONES and aren't caught up yet (shame on you!)...
**scroll down if you dare**

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1.  JON SNOW

Do you know what an expert ninja can do, the best trick in their arsenal? COMING BACK FROM THE DEAD. And that's just what Jon Snow did this week! I don't know about you, but we think that's some top tier, expert ninja stuff right there, and we can't wait to see him get some revenge! That's why the Commander of the Night's Watch is our pick for Ninja of the Week!

Ninjas of the Week

It's Friday, so get those Ninja stars out, the beer open, and get ready for our Ninjas of the Week! Okay, maybe should you wait until you get home first. Or not. It really depends on how liberal your boss is with "rules"...

5. BRISTOL CAT

A cat in Bristol, England is causing problems for the local post office. Every time the mail gets slid into the slot of the door, he reaches out and grabs it with his claws. The post office is threatening to stop delivery, but the owner refuses to lock up his ninja, err, cat. We picture this feline dressed in ninja garb, deftly procuring the mail every day. We have half a mind to have a pizza delivered the same way and see what happens...

4. BEYONCE

Beyonce dropped a new album this week with zero notice - just BOOM, HERE IT IS, BITCHES. Not only did she ninja that puppy into the charts (every single song was in Billboard's Top 100 at once, a feat that has never been done), she released a full length music video of the whole album. We're giving props to Bey for not only sneaking up on us, but for delivering a solid, brave record that deserves every ounce of praise it's getting.

3. ELEVATOR NINJA WOMAN

A man in China this week who tried to get fresh with a woman in an elevator got an unexpected surprised when she ninja'd the crap out of him, and it was all caught on camera. Although there are rumors that the beatdown might have been faked, we're giving her the benefit of the doubt, if for no other reason than it's a great PSA for any guy who might try this. You don't know who's a ninja and who isn't until you're holding your teeth in your hand...

Watch it here: 

2. 11 YEAR OLD RUSSIAN GIRL

And 11 year old in Russia this week decided that she wanted to fly, and didn't seem to care that she had no ticket or passport on her. The girl managed to slip by security without inspection at Vnukovo International Airport in Moscow and onto a St. Petersburg-bound flight on Monday, according to Russian outlet NEWSru.com. When she landed, her family eventually got hold of her - the government put her on a plane back to Moscow. We have to give the girl props for her obvious ninja abilities.

1. LEEANDIANEZ RODIGUEZ

Speaking of girl empowerment, our #1 Ninja of the Week is 12 year old LeeAdianez Rodriguez, who thought she was running a 5K (about 4 miles), which is a feat in itself. What she didn't realize is that she was in a half marathon race (13.1 miles). So she kept going!! She completed the whole thing, despite having only trained for 1/3 the distance, and got a medal. That kind of ninja stamina and resilience is why she wins this week. She's a great example of what you can do if you want it bad enough. We should all go out and try to run a half marathon.

Or we could just sit here on this couch and finish off the extra large pizza left-over from last night. But we'll definitely start training next week. Or the week after.

Office Hacks for the New Age

No one wants to work harder than they have to, right? We want to get that pile of papers off the desk and into the trash -- I mean "Completed" pile - and get out of here by 5. But sometimes, we get slowed down by the archaic tools we're forced to use in the office.

Well, fear not, faithful Ninja readers! We've got the answers for you - a suite of apps and products that will help streamline your daily activities in the office and might even get you promoted!

Unless you're Jett. The only promotion he's getting is backwards.

1. Scanner Pro  

Gone are the days when you need a big and cumbersome scanner and copier in the office. They're making them smaller than ever now, and when it comes to scanning, smart phones have jumped ahead. Scanner Pro is a leader in the field of phone & tablet scanning. The app will actually find the edges of the document for you and autoscan it, so you don't even have to press a button to scan! You just move from one piece of paper to the next. Which saves a lot of time when your boss asks you to scan his collection of handwritten presidential letters during office hours...

2. Slack

  

Everyone hates morning meetings. You haven't had enough coffee, you don't even like these people, let alone want to collaborate with them. But they're necessary. With Slack, you can do them from home with your pajamas on! Think of Slack as a virtual office. You can collaborate on documents, schedule tasks for employees, farm out tasks on projects, keep track of where everyone is at, even hold meetings virtually. It's the pants optional job you've been waiting for!

3. Evernote  

Everyone needs to take notes. But paper and pencil is SOOO 1999. Evernote has been around for quite a while, and it's the best way to keep track of everything - from meeting notes to todo lists to saved websites to project information, and even personal stuff like recipes. Also, Evernote allows you to attach PDFs, images and Word documents to notes, and you can even access everything offline!

4. Google Sheets & Docs

Google Apps has the best suite of writing and calculation apps around, mostly because they're awesome at collaboration. Using Google Docs (it's like Microsoft Word) and Sheets (Excel), you can have multiple people working on one document at the same time - even when they're not in the same room! Everything is saved in Google Drive, so there's no worry if you spill beer in your computer and kill the hard drive. I mean "soda."

5. DropBox

And speaking of the cloud, DropBox is the best place for keeping all your stuff in one place safely. DropBox lets you store just about any type or size file in folders that are also shareable with other coworkers or clients. You can drag and drop things into your DropBox folder from your computer and it instantly uploads for anyone else who's sharing the same folder. That's using your ninja skills at work!

What other apps and programs are YOU using in your office to make things easier? Let us know in the comments!

Ninjas of the Week

It's Friday, so you know what that means - beers at 10am! No? Bad idea? Fine. I guess we'll have to settle for some new Ninjas of the Week instead!

5. AUSTRALIA

This week, the country ofAustralia let the rest of the world know that it was not only fighting the war on cyber terrorism, but that it could launch its own cyber attack if necessary! On the one hand, we think this is a ballsy move, taking your enemies head on, which is very ninja-like. But on the other hand, wouldn't a ninja want to keep this information secret as to plan a sneak attack? We're going to give them a Ninja of the Week award anyway so we stay on their good side.

4. HERCULES

The statue of Hercules in Archanon, France got an, um, upgrade this week, when officials, who were tired of constant vandalism, decided to make the statue's penis detachable. We're not sure that the real Hercules would approve of his "appendage" being ninja'd by the city. However, I guess it's better than being stolen all the time by vandals. And where are all these stolen peni going?! Never mind. We don't want to know.

3. OLEG SHERSTYACHENKO

ˢᶜᴱᴺᴱ ᶠᴿᴼᴹ ᴹᵞ ᶠᵁᴸᴸ ᵛᴵᴰᴱᴼ , ᴴᴼᵂ ᴬᴹ ᴵ ˢᵀᴵᴸᴸ ᴬᴸᴵᵛᴱ ? ᴵ ᴰᴼᴺ'ᵀ ᴷᴺᴼᵂ , ᴹᴬᵞᴮᴱ ᴵ'ᴹ ᴵᴹᴹᴼᴿᵀᴬᴸ ? #nophotoshop #KanyeWest #olegcricket

A video posted by ᎢᎻᎬ ONᎬ (@olegcricket) on Apr 12, 2016 at 4:12am PDT

Russian daredevil OlegSherstyachenko, aka Oleg Cricket, recently tested his hoverboard skills on the edge of the MBK Tower in Dubai. He posted a short video showing himself hoverboarding on the edge of the 656 foot skyscraper, only inches from the edge. Our only explantation for this is that he is indeed a ninja, and is a true man without fear. He claims there's a longer video coming, we can't wait to see it! Oleg Cricket, YOU'VE GOT THE POWER.

2. THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND

It was the Queen's 90th birthday this week, and for that alone she deserves to be awarded ninja of the week. Not only has this amazing woman lived 9 decades, she's still the royal head of England! We only hope we can still feed ourselves and go to the bathroom on our own at 90, let alone run a kingdom. Happy Birthday, Queen Elizabeth II!

1. PRINCE

This week's Ninja of the Week was an easy choice. We want to pay tribute to a man who changed music forever - Prince. He was an incredible songwriter, performer, and human. For a brief time, he was actually nameless - he went by a symbol only! We honor the purple one by making him #1 this week. Thank you for all you've given us, Prince, you were taken from us too soon, and the world will miss your genius.