Friday, April 29, 2016

Ninjas of the Week

It's Friday, so get those Ninja stars out, the beer open, and get ready for our Ninjas of the Week! Okay, maybe should you wait until you get home first. Or not. It really depends on how liberal your boss is with "rules"...


A cat in Bristol, England is causing problems for the local post office. Every time the mail gets slid into the slot of the door, he reaches out and grabs it with his claws. The post office is threatening to stop delivery, but the owner refuses to lock up his ninja, err, cat. We picture this feline dressed in ninja garb, deftly procuring the mail every day. We have half a mind to have a pizza delivered the same way and see what happens...


Beyonce dropped a new album this week with zero notice - just BOOM, HERE IT IS, BITCHES. Not only did she ninja that puppy into the charts (every single song was in Billboard's Top 100 at once, a feat that has never been done), she released a full length music video of the whole album. We're giving props to Bey for not only sneaking up on us, but for delivering a solid, brave record that deserves every ounce of praise it's getting.


A man in China this week who tried to get fresh with a woman in an elevator got an unexpected surprised when she ninja'd the crap out of him, and it was all caught on camera. Although there are rumors that the beatdown might have been faked, we're giving her the benefit of the doubt, if for no other reason than it's a great PSA for any guy who might try this. You don't know who's a ninja and who isn't until you're holding your teeth in your hand...

Watch it here: 


And 11 year old in Russia this week decided that she wanted to fly, and didn't seem to care that she had no ticket or passport on her. The girl managed to slip by security without inspection at Vnukovo International Airport in Moscow and onto a St. Petersburg-bound flight on Monday, according to Russian outlet When she landed, her family eventually got hold of her - the government put her on a plane back to Moscow. We have to give the girl props for her obvious ninja abilities.


Speaking of girl empowerment, our #1 Ninja of the Week is 12 year old LeeAdianez Rodriguez, who thought she was running a 5K (about 4 miles), which is a feat in itself. What she didn't realize is that she was in a half marathon race (13.1 miles). So she kept going!! She completed the whole thing, despite having only trained for 1/3 the distance, and got a medal. That kind of ninja stamina and resilience is why she wins this week. She's a great example of what you can do if you want it bad enough. We should all go out and try to run a half marathon.

Or we could just sit here on this couch and finish off the extra large pizza left-over from last night. But we'll definitely start training next week. Or the week after.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Office Hacks for the New Age

No one wants to work harder than they have to, right? We want to get that pile of papers off the desk and into the trash -- I mean "Completed" pile - and get out of here by 5. But sometimes, we get slowed down by the archaic tools we're forced to use in the office.

Well, fear not, faithful Ninja readers! We've got the answers for you - a suite of apps and products that will help streamline your daily activities in the office and might even get you promoted!

Unless you're Jett. The only promotion he's getting is backwards.

1. Scanner Pro  

Gone are the days when you need a big and cumbersome scanner and copier in the office. They're making them smaller than ever now, and when it comes to scanning, smart phones have jumped ahead. Scanner Pro is a leader in the field of phone & tablet scanning. The app will actually find the edges of the document for you and autoscan it, so you don't even have to press a button to scan! You just move from one piece of paper to the next. Which saves a lot of time when your boss asks you to scan his collection of handwritten presidential letters during office hours...

2. Slack

Everyone hates morning meetings. You haven't had enough coffee, you don't even like these people, let alone want to collaborate with them. But they're necessary. With Slack, you can do them from home with your pajamas on! Think of Slack as a virtual office. You can collaborate on documents, schedule tasks for employees, farm out tasks on projects, keep track of where everyone is at, even hold meetings virtually. It's the pants optional job you've been waiting for!

3. Evernote  

Everyone needs to take notes. But paper and pencil is SOOO 1999. Evernote has been around for quite a while, and it's the best way to keep track of everything - from meeting notes to todo lists to saved websites to project information, and even personal stuff like recipes. Also, Evernote allows you to attach PDFs, images and Word documents to notes, and you can even access everything offline!

4. Google Sheets & Docs

Google Apps has the best suite of writing and calculation apps around, mostly because they're awesome at collaboration. Using Google Docs (it's like Microsoft Word) and Sheets (Excel), you can have multiple people working on one document at the same time - even when they're not in the same room! Everything is saved in Google Drive, so there's no worry if you spill beer in your computer and kill the hard drive. I mean "soda."

5. DropBox

And speaking of the cloud, DropBox is the best place for keeping all your stuff in one place safely. DropBox lets you store just about any type or size file in folders that are also shareable with other coworkers or clients. You can drag and drop things into your DropBox folder from your computer and it instantly uploads for anyone else who's sharing the same folder. That's using your ninja skills at work!

What other apps and programs are YOU using in your office to make things easier? Let us know in the comments!

Friday, April 22, 2016

Ninjas of the Week

It's Friday, so you know what that means - beers at 10am! No? Bad idea? Fine. I guess we'll have to settle for some new Ninjas of the Week instead!


This week, the country ofAustralia let the rest of the world know that it was not only fighting the war on cyber terrorism, but that it could launch its own cyber attack if necessary! On the one hand, we think this is a ballsy move, taking your enemies head on, which is very ninja-like. But on the other hand, wouldn't a ninja want to keep this information secret as to plan a sneak attack? We're going to give them a Ninja of the Week award anyway so we stay on their good side.


The statue of Hercules in Archanon, France got an, um, upgrade this week, when officials, who were tired of constant vandalism, decided to make the statue's penis detachable. We're not sure that the real Hercules would approve of his "appendage" being ninja'd by the city. However, I guess it's better than being stolen all the time by vandals. And where are all these stolen peni going?! Never mind. We don't want to know.


Russian daredevil OlegSherstyachenko, aka Oleg Cricket, recently tested his hoverboard skills on the edge of the MBK Tower in Dubai. He posted a short video showing himself hoverboarding on the edge of the 656 foot skyscraper, only inches from the edge. Our only explantation for this is that he is indeed a ninja, and is a true man without fear. He claims there's a longer video coming, we can't wait to see it! Oleg Cricket, YOU'VE GOT THE POWER.


It was the Queen's 90th birthday this week, and for that alone she deserves to be awarded ninja of the week. Not only has this amazing woman lived 9 decades, she's still the royal head of England! We only hope we can still feed ourselves and go to the bathroom on our own at 90, let alone run a kingdom. Happy Birthday, Queen Elizabeth II!


This week's Ninja of the Week was an easy choice. We want to pay tribute to a man who changed music forever - Prince. He was an incredible songwriter, performer, and human. For a brief time, he was actually nameless - he went by a symbol only! We honor the purple one by making him #1 this week. Thank you for all you've given us, Prince, you were taken from us too soon, and the world will miss your genius.

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Office Tips for Spring Cleaning

Despite the current weather here in Southern California (heat wave, anyone?), it's spring, and you know what that means. No, I'm not talking about animals getting down with each other. It's time for spring cleaning!

No one likes to clean. Well, I suppose weird people do. But most of us don't. And when it comes to your office, we REALLY don't want to clean (and who has time for that anyway?!). But every so often, it's good to get rid of those dust bunnies and fish that old sandwich out from behind the desk that fell back there six months ago. We've got a few tips in case you need some motivation - or a way to prolong the inevitable.


A photo posted by Robert J. Curran (@captain_kleen) on

As you progress through the year, your desk accumulates more and more crap. Paperwork you have no intention of finishing, your collection of action figures from all those superhero movies, 12 different coffee cups, each in a different stage of mold. Spring is a great time to get rid of all this stuff, and start over with a clean desk, which leaves room for new paperwork, and that Star Wars scene you've been dying to set up with your new Rey action figure. And make sure you clean out your drawers too, there's bound to be stuff in there you no longer use or need, and it's the perfect opportunity to take stock of things you're out of. You know, because you took half of the items home for your own desk...


Your computer gets cluttered too. There are plenty of files on there you no longer need, things you can move to an external disc, emails from your boss you can archive, and (if you're Jett) there might be some *ahem* NSFW photos you might want to get rid of. Using a program like CCleaner helps you get rid of the junk that slows your computer down, and a clean computer is a happy computer.


Yeah, we know. The breakroom shouldn't be your responsibility. After all, why should you have to clean up after Steve from accounting, or Paula from Human Resources? But this might be a good time to check the fridge and freezer for your own forgotten food items. Remember that cottage cheese you bought when you were on that health kick? Or the potato salad you got last summer and meant to eat? If everyone in the office claims their own undead items, we'll bet the shelves will be empty again, and ready for your mother-in-law's tuna casserole that she insisted you take to work.


Once you've cleaned out your desk, you should give your cubicle a once over. I'm sure the dirt that's accumulated in the corners and behind the desk would fill the Grand Canyon. And do you really need 17 photos of Melissa Benoist as Supergirl pinned to the wall (I hear ya)? Removing the clutter and dirt from your personal space at work can do wonders for your productivity, and might even get you promoted (no promises though)!


A photo posted by Rich Francis (@7thfire) on

This one is the most important. Spring is a good time to let go of all the things you've been carrying around in your brain. That promotion that snuck past you. The time Sally from Marketing made you look bad at that meeting (you weren't sleeping, just imagining what she was describing!). You need to let it all go and start fresh. It doesn't do you any good to hold grudges or worry about things that have already happened. Learn and move forward.

Unless it's something Jett did. Then you should totally plot your ninja revenge.

Friday, April 15, 2016

Ninjas of the Week

Who is ninja-worthy this week? Well we've got a lot to cover. From basketball to the United Nations we've got some pretty bold contenders. Let's dive in.

5. Kobe Bryant

In his final NBA game this week, Los Angeles Lakers legend Kobe Bryant scored a record-breaking 60 points with 30 points in the last quarter. This game marked his sixth 60-point game. He's ranked as the NBA's number 3 all time scorer. At 37 years old he is arguably one of the most well-known basketball stars of this decade. His agility, skill, and top scoring puts him up there with the best of the ninjas. And this is the second time he's made our Ninja of the Week list! Maybe he's retiring from the NBA to work as a Ninja in Japan...

4. Solar Impulse 2

Speaking of record breaking, the Solar Impulse 2 is almost ready to take to the sky again. This solar powered plane will resume its flight around the world on only the power of the sun. No fuel needed. It's an adventure seeking, light weight, and energy efficient aircraft that originally started its journey in Japan. So we are on to you, SI2, you are the airplane Ninja of the future if we've ever heard of one. 

3. The Next United Nations Security General

“They use knowledge. They use coalitions,” she says. “They use the power to advocate and persuade to do quite incredible things — to set the global agenda and then move toward solving major problems.” 
The race is on, and we're not talking about the race to the White House. This position is at the top of the United Nations - the next UN Security General. There has been a huge call for a female leader of the UN and currently, out of the eight candidates running, four of them are women. Never before in the history of the UN has a woman held this position but times are changing and the call may be answered. The process of nominating a candidate has also changed with the times, making it more transparent than ever. The top women running for the position are
  • Vesna Pusić, deputy speaker of the Croatian Parliament and former Croatian foreign minister
  • Natalia Gherman, former Moldovan foreign minister
  • Irina Bokova, director general of UNESCO
  • Helen Clark, administrator of the UNDP and former prime minister of New Zealand

The UNSG will need to use their knowledge, power, persuasion, and coalitions to get their job done. These are all skills necessary to be a successful Ninja. Maybe they need to add "Ninja skills" to the job description. Either way, we're rooting the candidates on!

To read more about The Next UNSG visit this link: Mashable

2. Stephen Hawking

When the average person or even average scientist thinks about interplanetary exploration we begin with Earth. If man wants to travel into the stars we need to take off from our place of origin. But with that comes the first challenge. To get even one human out of our atmosphere takes a hell of a lot of power and with that comes weight. But Stephen Hawking is no average scientist. He's overcome so many challenges in his own life and he's still coming up with brilliant answers to the hardest questions. Hawking has proposed and plans, with the help of Russian billionaire Yuri Milner, to begin testing what they are calling "Breakthrough Starshot." Their goal? Use a giant laser on Earth to send "postage-stamp-size spacecraft" at the speed of light into space. Sounds like a mash-up of Innerspace and Austin Powers with the seriousness of Interstellar. Okay, I'm confused now. But I think this means we need to call Dennis Quaid and have him suit up! Stephen Hawking, you are a mind-bending Ninja.

More on the proposed plan here: NPR

1. Omaima

Inspired by Malala Yousafzai (the Pakistani-born Nobel prize laureate who relentlessly campaigns for female education in defiance of the Taliban) Omaima set out to educate young girls and their families about the risk of underage marriages. Omaima lives in the 80,000 person Syrian refugee camp in Jordan where she holds classes teaching young women art, reading, and the benefits of staying in school. She has successfully encouraged the parents of many young women to cancel proposals until the girls reach the legal age to marry. Omaima, we're naming you Ninja of the Week! Keep up this amazingly inspirational, dangerous, but much-needed work.
"In pre-war Syria, an average of 13% of all marriages involved someone below the age of 18, UNHCR reports. Among Syrian refugees living in Jordan, this rate had risen to 32% by the first quarter of 2014."
To read more about Omaima visit this link: Mashable

Wow that got heavy. So many amazing Ninjas out there in the world! I don't know about you but I'm inspired. I'm putting on my ninja gear now - even if it's just to sit in my cubicle and process spreadsheets. Even Office Ninjas need to keep busy!

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Eat Like a Ninja

You're a ninja, right? So you've got to eat, and keep up your energy for any stealthy activity you need to do. I mean, it would be embarrassing if you passed out from lack of food while stalking your prey.

But what do ninjas eat? If you're going to be a ninja, you need to eat like the ninja. Here are 5 staples of your new diet.


Think of them as tiny chicken eggs. These babies actually have more protein than chicken eggs! They've also shown to help people with asthma and tuberculosis (they contain ovomucoid proteins). They also remove heavy metals from your body. 

Not those heavy metals. The other kind. 

They also stimulate your sexual prowess. [drops mic]


Ninjas don't have a lot of room when they're traveling for bulky food, so they make compact food. You know, like a Twinkie. Hyourougan was made from rice, lotus fruit, yam, ginseng and sugar. Which is nothing like a Twinkie. But it'll keep you going longer.


This is like ninja Cream of Wheat. Except using millet, which is gluten free and contains lots of magnesium, which is great for lowering your blood pressure and helping with migraines. And unlike Fruit Loops, these will keep you full all morning. Unless you eat the whole box of Fruit Loops. We don't suggest that.


Most people are familiar with the green variety, but black soy beans are a great source of fiber, protein, and are low in calories. Because a ninja with a beer belly is NOT attractive or stealthy. Black soy beans are actually a lower carb version of other beans, and are great by themselves or in a chili. Although we don't suggest eating chili right before heading out on a mission. Beans aren't the most "quiet" food, if you know what we mean...


Which is just a fancy name for Brown Rice. Brown rice is unpolished, whereas white rice comes from the process of polishing and milling, which removes a lot of its nutritional value. Brown rice is much healthier for you, and you can add in some bugs and spiders for protein while hiding in the bushes. Or, you know, you can just eat it plain.

We want to hear from all you ninjas out there - what do YOU eat to keep your ninja body healthy and stealthy? Tell us in the comments!

Monday, April 11, 2016

Friday, April 8, 2016

Ninjas of the Week

Hey everyone - it's Friday! You know what that means - shots of tequila at your desk at 4:59pm, photocopies of your unmentionables at 5:03pm, passed out in the bathroom stall at 5:07pm!

It also means it's time for us here at Office Ninja to highlight some Ninjas of the Week. These people (and animals) have exhibited powers that make them more than normal - we suspect they're all secretly ninjas. So let's get started!


There are two thing important to being a ninja - bravery and staying healthy. This week actress Cameron Diaz did both at once when she chugged a kale and salsa verde smoothie on live TV! Can you imagine?! That must have tasted just horrible. I mean, kale?!


Wolfsburg Soccer player Vieirinha was hit during a game this week, and SPIT OUT HIS OWN TOOTH as he got up. It's important for a ninja to keep going when they're hit, but man - this guy is hardcore!


Sam, the mascot of Morecambe Bay Primary School, was attached to a helium balloon this week and launched into space. While the rest of the equipment attached to the balloon was recovered, there was no sign of Sam. We think he used the opportunity to disappear deep in Japan and begin ninja training.

This also calls for a throwback to a very special moment in Office Ninja: NINJAS IN SPACE - the comic book.


A photo posted by Elaine Yeoh (@elaineyzj) on
According to the news, these "riders" were stuck on a Battlestar Galactica roller coaster in Singapore. We think this whole thing is highly suspicious. This looks a lot like a ninja training center. And where are the riders in this picture?! WE CAN'T SEE THEM BECAUSE THEY'RE FRAKKING NINJAS.


The Star Wars: Rogue One trailer hit the internet this week, and actress Felicity Jones is the baddest, future ninja in the world - and of the week - as she takes the lead in the new flick. We can't wait to see how she ninjas the heck out of the Empire!

That's it for this week - see you next time around. Until then - try to keep your clothes on at work. No one wants to see that. Trust us.

Thursday, April 7, 2016

The Unsung Heroes of The Office (Ninja)

You know who we're talking about. The people that work in your office that are often overlooked. The ones who do all the hard work behind the scenes, the ones that make your job easier or clean up after you like they're your mom. The unsung heroes of the office.

We here at Office Ninja Central (I just coined that, don't steal it) have our own unsung heroes - the people that helped make the film possible, the ones who held everything together behind the scenes so the actors could do what they do. We thought we'd pick a few to highlight this week.

The Executive Assistant

You've seen him or her behind the desk, answering 16 phone calls at once while directing people to offices, and simultaneously setting appointments. Without this person, your office would be a mess. Or empty. On the Office Ninja set, those people are the Assistant Directors, which in our case were Allison Vanore (1st AD) and Brandy Rhea (2nd AD). Allison made sure everything ran on time (and even ahead of schedule!) and we got all the shots we needed to make the movie complete! Brandy kept our paperwork in order and made sure people showed up on time each day with all the correct information necessary. 

The Janitor

This person gets no respect. Whether it's missing the trash can when you throw away your lunch leftovers, spitting your sunflower seeds all over the carpet, or peeing with the seat down, the janitor is the one that has to make the office look good again by the next morning. On a film set, this person is the Editor. The editor has to take everything you shot for the film - which is generally just a big mess of files on a hard drive - and turn it into a pretty movie. Usually they work late into the night and into sunrise - just like the janitor- and get none of the accolades and no wrap party when they are finished. Those pesky cast and crew members take all of those. On our set that person was the irreplaceable Tim Leavitt.

The Office Manager

Ahh, the Office Manager. Without this person, you'd have no staples for your stapler, no tape for your dispenser, no pens that you can use to make weapons (see previous blog post). This person has to keep up with all the supplies you waste and replace them, almost like a ninja.... Anyway, on a film set, this is the Art Department. They're in charge of not only designing and creating the sets we shoot on, but making all the props needed to make the movie look real. Yes, we wish Ninjas in Space was a real comic book but alas, it was a prop. So who were these creative people? We were fortunate to have Allison Veilleux (production design) and Alice Wilsey (prop master).

The Payroll Department

For most of you, this is the most important person in the office. Without them, you wouldn't even show up for work. Unless you're crazy, and you like working for free. This is the person in charge of making sure there's money in the bank to cover payroll. This job is handled by the Executive Producer. And that person was our fearless leader Bin Lee. Bin was our general, the man we all stood behind while we made this awesome film, and he was unwavering in his resolve! Also, he threatened to give all our paychecks to that sneaky Ninja if we didn't behave, which was oddly effective.

The IT Person

Finally, someone has to handle all the technology. Someone to fix the computer when we try to heat Pop Tarts on the tower and they melt onto the motherboard. Someone to erase all the porn-- err, cat videos that somehow infected the computer with spam. On a film set, that's the person most connected to electricity - the gaffer. The gaffer plugs and unplugs things, and then plugs things in again. They set up all the lights the way that makes the actors look best, and sometimes they can can turn day into night! On Office Ninja, we had Raphe Wolfgang, and on the days he had other business (he moonlights as a Ninja Assassin) we had Justin Moran-Duquette & Tom Wood who were similarly awesome.

That's it for now, but in future posts we'll be highlighting other amazing people that helped make Office Ninja a reality!

Here's a fun group photo of some of our team - all heroes in our comic book! 

Friday, April 1, 2016

Ninjas of the Week

It's that time again - Ninja of the Week! We scoured the internet this week to find you the best ninjas around, be it person or... non-person. So without further ado... here's our Top 5!


Sometimes the best ninjas hide in plain sight - like Indian supermodel Carol Gracias, who was on the runway this week sporting a baby bump. We're convinced when this baby comes out, it'll be wearing a ninja robe and sporting sais.


Sometimes, when you're a ninja, the opportunity to sneak up has passed, and you need to use brute force to get the job done. And that's just what North Korea did this week - they blocked Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube for all it's 24.45 million residents. That's some mass ninjaing right there. Hopefully they can still see our blog...


Everyone knows what a ninja looks like, right? Well, I mean, right before the ninja slices and dices you... It's because a ninja wears the same thing every day. You know who else wears the same thing every day? Mark freaking Zuckerberg, head of Facebook. Is this a coincidence? WE THINK NOT. Now Mark is letting you dress like a ninj-- uh, like him, with his new line of clothing.


Sometimes, a ninja can wait for its prey to come to it, instead of tracking and sneaking. And that's just what this ninja fighter jet in Fresno, CA did for local police. It waited in just the right spot to thwart crooks on a car chase, who crashed into the jet while fleeing. Ninja'd!


And finally, at #1 this week, these three Iowa State football players saved a woman from drowning in her car by breaking the windshield with their bare hands and getting her lifted out to safety in less than a minute! There's no way these guys aren't ninjas on the side.

Thanks for reading, tune in next week, and be sure to nominate your own Ninja of the Week in the comments below!!