Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Eat Like a Ninja

You're a ninja, right? So you've got to eat, and keep up your energy for any stealthy activity you need to do. I mean, it would be embarrassing if you passed out from lack of food while stalking your prey.

But what do ninjas eat? If you're going to be a ninja, you need to eat like the ninja. Here are 5 staples of your new diet.


Think of them as tiny chicken eggs. These babies actually have more protein than chicken eggs! They've also shown to help people with asthma and tuberculosis (they contain ovomucoid proteins). They also remove heavy metals from your body. 

Not those heavy metals. The other kind. 

They also stimulate your sexual prowess. [drops mic]


Ninjas don't have a lot of room when they're traveling for bulky food, so they make compact food. You know, like a Twinkie. Hyourougan was made from rice, lotus fruit, yam, ginseng and sugar. Which is nothing like a Twinkie. But it'll keep you going longer.


This is like ninja Cream of Wheat. Except using millet, which is gluten free and contains lots of magnesium, which is great for lowering your blood pressure and helping with migraines. And unlike Fruit Loops, these will keep you full all morning. Unless you eat the whole box of Fruit Loops. We don't suggest that.


Most people are familiar with the green variety, but black soy beans are a great source of fiber, protein, and are low in calories. Because a ninja with a beer belly is NOT attractive or stealthy. Black soy beans are actually a lower carb version of other beans, and are great by themselves or in a chili. Although we don't suggest eating chili right before heading out on a mission. Beans aren't the most "quiet" food, if you know what we mean...


Which is just a fancy name for Brown Rice. Brown rice is unpolished, whereas white rice comes from the process of polishing and milling, which removes a lot of its nutritional value. Brown rice is much healthier for you, and you can add in some bugs and spiders for protein while hiding in the bushes. Or, you know, you can just eat it plain.

We want to hear from all you ninjas out there - what do YOU eat to keep your ninja body healthy and stealthy? Tell us in the comments!